The fear of failure and the fear of success

I was so afraid to start this blog but now i see how much of a blessing it is. I've experienced that feeling of uncertainty before because I had a deep fear of failure and even a fear of success. I realized this last year when I felt no urge to get involved in school. I always thought that because of my predicament I was not supposed to succeed in life. I grew up in Northwest Philly and we lived in a house that was filled over capacity. Of course I loved it because in my eyes I saw family all around me all the time, but as society sees it we were doing really bad. I watched my single mom work extremely hard for things that she couldn't keep. She gave everything she earned to us. Seeing this made me create a work ethic in school that went unnoticed because at John Wister, teachers had to prevent danger more than nurture gifts in children. Then, there came a time when I felt like life was all good. God sent a man for my mom with opportunity in his hands. We moved from Germantown to Upper Darby and got a Chevy Equinox. I went to a new school where in 1st grade I got tested for a gifted program. Anyone who knows anything knows that you don't go from John Wister to a better school and get qualified as gifted, you're supposed to be two steps behind everyone. That was the same mindset in which my fear grew. I felt as if i should be wearing a hat reading "I'm not supposed to be here", while everyone else thought I should be reading chapter books. Over the years God let me know I'm supposed to be here because it was in his perfect will that I end up here. As the scripture says,"For I know the plans I have for you", says the lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 Thank you for reading.