The Five Men I Had To Forgive

Forgiving others is so hard to do, but it's one of the most powerful things that we, as humans, can do. This Sunday my pastor challenged us to forgive someone who has hurt us. She said to call them some time this week and let them know you forgive them. Forgiving is something I've done before (specifically with my dad), but that took me years to do. I couldn't imagine forgiving someone as easily as the pastor made it seem but I wanted to be obedient. My dad wasn't the only person who popped into my mind. You wouldn't believe how many people can pop in your head at the same time. Five guys in particular, but my dad was the first. There was expectation from the start for him to be a father, and in different ways I had to deal with his shortcomings. I started the healing process on my own, but my dad came back and provided me with the answers, not the excuses, that I needed. I needed to forgive my dad for letting drugs and alcohol come before his children. I had to forgive him for making countless promises he couldn't keep, and I had to forgive him for not loving my mom the way he should have. The second man that I forgive is the one that was supposed to raise my dad. He was "the answers" i needed for why my dad couldn't raise me. I have to forgive him for introducing drugs and alcohol to my father. I have to forgive him for rolling my dad's first joint. I have to forgive him for never hugging my dad.  All these things have affected my dad, and in turn, affected me and my desire for affection. To do this, I  would also have to forgive my great grandfather for lining up my great grandmother, my grandpa and all his siblings in a row, and making them play Russian Roulette with his gun because there were too many mouths to feed. I have to forgive him for not coming up with a better solution. That very solution led my grandpa to abuse drugs and alcohol. These three men were greatly affected by the father who raised, or failed to raise in many ways (I should say), them. There are no more fathers for me but now I have to forgive the man who was supposed to fill the space my dad left. My stepdad came into my life with opportunity in his hands and then he put the keys to our new car in my mom's hands. He put a roof over our heads and it didn't have a hole in it like our previous house in Germantown. A real savior, but a savior would never do to us what he did to my sisters. He should've been in jail for what he did but, he had a major stroke. Even then, my mom was forced to care for him because his parents were far too old to care for their son who was being taught how to speak, read, and walk. She is the strongest woman I know and my maturity comes from her. The one who let our dad come back into our life as many times as he attempted, and cared for a man that betrayed her. Her strength does not go unnoticed, bringing me to my last point. The fifth man, or boy, I had to forgive is the boy who was supposed to love me. He gave me every reason to trust him until he hit me. He gave me every reason to care until he ripped a paper off the wall and tried to hit me in the face with it, and picked me up with every intention to slam me to the ground. He is someone who was never loved himself, and I am privilege to know a God who loves me enough to remove him from my life. There's one man who has always been there for me and that is my heavenly Father. When my stepdad did what he did, his health began to fail. When that boy began to hit me, he moved the very next day. When my great grandfather lined up his family, the gun jammed. So if people are confused about why I'm so "religious", that's because I know a man that will NEVER let me down!! I am still in the process of forgiving these men because everyday I see the outcomes of their actions, but everyday I see God's new mercies, so I can't complain.